Re: Photosynthesis

Dear Lawn-

I see you, you free-loading, photosynthesizing, son of a bitch. I just mowed you two weeks ago. TWO WEEKS. And there you are, smugly waving in the breeze, going "oooh look at me, look how tall I am! Any day now the neighbors will start to complain, guess you better mow me again!"

I'm sorry, did I say "mow"? I can't mow you, can I? Have to use a weed whacker for the entire yard. You're too full of weeds and vines, you miserable excuse for mother nature's doormat. In fact, if there's a complete square inch of grass in this entire 1/1000th of an acre that claims to be my backyard, I'll be amazed.

So you know what? I'm not mowing you. Uh uh. Not this time. You see this industrial size container of Weed-B-Gone here? It's got your name on it. So here's how it's gonna go. You shrink back to a socially acceptable size of undergrowth, or I'm gonna get crazy with this thing.

It's got a "foam" setting, and I'm not afraid to use it.